Stardust Story: She. Who?...Awkward Pause...Them? - Galactic Flow

Stardust Story: She. Who?...Awkward Pause...Them?

Hi there, Galactic Stars!

Let’s hop aboard my cosmic time machine and blast back in time to a pivotal moment in my journey.

 

 

Hi, my pronouns are she/they.

I vividly remember the first time I updated my pronouns from she/her to she/they in my email signature. My supervisor at the time looked at me and asked, “What do you prefer? What feels comfortable for you?” In that moment, I took a deep breath and responded, “they/them is extremely affirming for me. It acknowledges a part of myself I’m letting thrive in a way I had never done before. She still aligns for me, and I would appreciate it if folks would use both.”

To my surprise, my supervisor embraced this change and began using my pronouns interchangeably. It made me feel safe, seen, and heard, like I had taken a powerful step toward embracing my identity. But as life would have it, things started to shift once I changed roles.

Suddenly, it was “she” this and “she” that, every conversation, every email, “she, she, she.” It felt as if no one was recognizing my other pronoun, and I began to feel invisible. Frustrated, I decided to flip my first preferred pronoun to “they” in hopes that this would signal my preference more clearly.

 

 

 

Hi, my pronouns are they/she.

At first, I thought, “Now they’ll start to get it.” But to my dismay, the “she” continued. Each utterance chipped away at my sense of identity, leading me down a rabbit hole of self-doubt. I started questioning everything: Am I non-binary? Am I a woman? Can I still express my femininity? Do I need to dress more masculine or androgynous? What do I need to do to get people to recognize my gender fluidity?

I found myself increasingly frustrated and isolated. Everyone telling me "they care about me," "that they'll work on it" with no changed behavior, or "I just don't get it." The consistent denial to acknowledge my pronouns felt like an assault on my identity.

After weeks of agonizing over my self-worth and identity, something shifted. I was watching Drag Race and heard RuPaul say "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" This saying reminded me that I will not dilute or question myself to make others comfortable. I will rise and move forward because the world is my runway, and I refuse to let anyone decide how I can show up.

 

 

Hi, my pronouns are they/them.

I stopped giving people the option to choose what suited them and reclaimed my power by asserting what felt right for me. Using they/them pronouns has opened up more freedom and space for me to explore my gender and identity. It empowered me to step into my authentic self and remind everyone who I am.

I am a proud Black gender nonconforming person, and I will take up space unapologetically. To those who have embraced my pronouns, thank you! Your effort, especially when you correct yourself and others, means the world to me. And to those who continue to misgender me and others, I encourage you to get uncomfortable and do better, respectfully. The importance of something as simple as using the correct pronouns cannot be overstated; it is a powerful affirmation of who we are.

As we continue this journey together, let’s remember the power of language and the beauty of honoring one another’s identities. We can create a universe where everyone feels valued and seen.

With Cosmic Light and Empowerment,
Kassidy

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